Home > Rockos Jokes

Text | Pix

Rockos Jokes - Text

A woman was standing in front of the window in the maternity wing looking at her newborn baby when another new mom walked up beside her.

She pointed at a baby and said, "Is that your baby boy there?"

The first woman replied, "Why, yes it is."

The second woman then pointed at a baby boy beside it and said, "That's my third child. We named him Beauregard Winston Baldwin the THIRD after his great great great grandfather, the famous Confederate general."

"That's nice", said the first woman.

The woman kept talking. "My husband is buying me a four carat diamond ring to celebrate his birth!"

"That's nice", said the first woman again.

""When my second child was born, he gave me a brand new Mercedes Benz and took me to Tuscany for the summer", she bragged again.

"That's nice", repeated the woman.

"And when I birthed our first child, my husband bought a yacht, named it after me, and we sailed round the world!" she continued.

"That's nice", said the first woman again.

"Is this your first child? What did your husband buy you?" asked the second woman.

The first woman turned to her and said, "When we found out I was pregnant, my husband sent me to charm school."

"Charm school?!?!" The second woman asked incredulously. "Why?"

"Yes, well", the woman said, "that's where I learned to say 'That's nice" instead of "Who gives a sh*t!

So four dudes spend weeks planning the perfect camping and fishing trip to a remote and disconnected spot.

Two days before they are due to leave, Dave's wife puts her foot down and tells him he's not going.

His buddies are naturally pissed off that he can't go, but what can they do, they decide to push on.

Two days later the three fellas arrive at the remote camp site to find Dave sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, beer open and fish cooking on the fire.

Steve: 'Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?'

Dave: 'I've been here since last night.. Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who..' I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie. She then took my hand and led me to our bedroom.

The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. On the bed were handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did.'

'And then she said:' 'Do whatever you want.'.... So here I am!

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you.

I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, and has a long drawn out fight with his wife about her infidelity.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Darn Auto Correct: I meant "wifi", not "wife!

Rockos Jokes - Pix